The Gift of Your Child's MESS

"It Means You Are Here"



I am a bit compulsive when it comes to wanting my house to be clean and tidy. So sometimes I complain about the "mess" my kids make in the course of everyday play around the house and get on them to clean up after them selves.



One afternoon, I was present to the gift of my children's "messes". Since separating from my partner, my children now lived with me half time. I had the mixed pleasure of now having my house stay in perfect order half of the time, but I missed my kids during those times very much. So in a spirit of sharing when we were all snuggling on the floor, I said to my kids, "you know, even though I harp on you to clean up when you make messes in the house, I want you to know that I really love your messes. Because when I look around and see clothes laying on the floor, or toys strewn about, I know you are home with me and I love that. My house stays clean when you are gone, but I like it messier much more, because it means you are here."



My son, touched by my sharing, immediately got up to make a mess of my daughter's dollhouse. I responded the way I usually did when he was 'making a mess', and in an annoyed tone asked him, "What are you doing"? He said he was making a mess, FOR me. I immediately made the connection, felt very embarrassed, and shyly thanked him for doing it. He lit up like a light bulb.



The next evening, we were sitting at the table for dinner where I was dishing up food for my children. Broccoli, one of our recurrent vegetable items, was on the menu. My daughter very seriously looks up at me as I am putting broccoli on her plate and says, "Mom, I don't really like broccoli." She paused, and then added, "But I eat it. Do you know why"? "No", I said. "Why"? She said, "Because it means you are here".